And yet

I cry
a thousand tears
in anguish
that you are dying
truthfully that you are leaving me behind

I lament your passage
when we have so much more to share
and yet does it really matter
would I not weep a thousand more
many more years from now

would they not
still fall in sobs of grief
just the same
I believe so and yet
and yet…

ag ~ 2012

11 thoughts on “And yet

  1. It’s over a dozen years and yes the sobs of grief still fall… tearless now…as there are no more tears except in the wound in my heart. Still, the joy he gave overcomes them and the heart tears glisten in the light of his love.

  2. Stupid, in a way, to leave comments on poetry, as if my undisciplined words could add more to the ones you have so carefully crafted to express things that are on the very edge of language. But still…

    This moved me very deeply.

  3. Also, I just realized this post was from a couple weeks ago on July 5th and apologize that I didn’t see it sooner. July 5th is a very significant date for my family and I when we lost our father. Some of the words in your poem were exactly the sentiment we experienced and continue to experience even though it’s been 36 years now. Mainly, I still question why he had to go as such a young man, and feel cheated by his absence when we were just children and young adults at the time. Though the intense grief has subsided through the years, there are still times when memories come to the surface, catching me off guard.

    I still feel that life would have probably been much different today if he was still here to share his life with us through all of life’s stages. This might sound strange to admit, but many of the unanswered questions have led to the spirtual search for meaning, and receiving answers that lead into deeper spiritual inquiry. It’s difficult to explain, because ultimately, we each have to make our own journey. And even though we’re on our own journeys, we’re not alone in having to experience them. I hope this helps you Andrea……Cynthia

    1. Thank you Cynthia – your comments do help. That’s just it – as deeply as I am feeling this loss/change (my best friend who is still dying from ovarian cancer) – I realize how it connects me to each and everyone who goes through the same pain. I am not alone even though it feels that way. I also just spent last week with her. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do and it turned out to be one of the best. In saying our goodbyes we shared tears, smiles and such tremendous love. Her courage and humor and acceptance is her final gift to me in a long history of a “soulful sisterly best friends forever” love. One for us that is still evolving and changing onto a different plane in a very very spiritual way. I feel blessed. And I agree that this change that feels like loss leads to a greater connection to spirit and ourselves – hence my next poem “Death and Rebirth”. I am sorry for your loss at such a young and vulnerable stage and yet, and yet… there is a plan greater than anyone of us can begin to imagine. Peace and genuine blessings and love to you Cynthia, Merrill and Heartlandroad and all.

  4. this is an inconsolable loss, hope and pray it doesnot happens! not before you both are ready.

    its heartbreaking to go through such a torment.

    may peace be with you.


    1. I am coming into acceptance. The writing helps to express the pain and move from loss into healing. Thank you for your consoling words. It is a big help. Peace to you too. Andrea

        1. And I hit the wrong button on my ipad in writing your name – Sharmishtha. We can all use a little extra peace and kindness. You made my day (early morning here). Thank you again. Andrea

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